Friday, November 19, 2010

The First "Talk" with EK

No... not the birds and bees.
Something these two beautiful princesses have in common...
The "Talk" I have anxiously dreaded...
worried how I would ever eloquently explain...
how they came to live in an orphanage
and then became our precious daughters.

What "Talk" you ask...
the "Birth mother Talk".
Why so worried? Why such a big deal?
I have been the only mama EK has ever known
and always wanted to be the only one~
but there is another...
one she will never know,
one I can tell her nothing about,
one who for a reason unknown abandoned her,
a birth mother somewhere in China.

There was one day not too long ago
when I thought our conversation was leading to this Talk
but was not to be until yesterday.
We were at the cardiologist for SJ's monthly checkup
and while waiting for the dr and an echo~
EK picked up a book about the human body.
We looked through the book page by page...
she asking lots of questions
and me answering as many as I could.

We came to a page with a baby inside a mom.
EK looked at me and asked if that was how babies grew
and I said yes... (my heart beating out of my chest)...
I knew where this was going
and began praying for just the words God would have me say.
EK: And I grew in you?
(I pulled her into my lap so she would feel secure)
Me: Actually you and Jing did not grow inside my tummy.
You grew in a China mother's tummy.
She is called your birth mother.
I don't know anything about her
but she was not able to be your mama
so you went to live at the orphanage
so I could come to China and get you.
(EK just sat there very serious taking it all in, processing)

That was it.
I asked her if she wanted to ask me anything else~
she said no.
I believe it was perfect timing for us to open the convo
and I know there will be many more...
I will continue to pray God will lead me ever so gently
and the girls' hearts to be willing to take it in.
I'm SO thankful they will have each other
to talk with, cry with, and be with!

It amazes me that we have read
SO many times but EK has never asked
why all the babies were there
how she came to be in an orphanage.
In her little mind,
that's just the way it was.
She lived in the orphanage with her nannies
and we prayed for her
and God allowed us to come to China to get her.
She's always known she was adopted.
Now she has another piece of her story~
one she will have to process in her own way.
One that I will spend my whole life praying about...
one that I will always be grateful for
because two birth mothers far away in China
chose life for my two precious daughters
and I get to be their Forever Mama!
Forever I will love them like crazy cakes!!!

PS! The cardiologist said SJ's pulmonary arteries have grown
1 mm since last appt and that is significant.
Her heart is stronger and healthier
and for that,
we are eternally grateful!!!

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.


  1. I love the picture of EK in her pink princess dress... her smile, her dimples, her posture. Today was a big day for her and you handled her question beautifully by being loving and honest. Praying for you both as she processes this new information about her beginnings.

  2. Hey my friend! Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I still read but just in a hurry. I understand your worry and pain with the subject. I have found the questions come in waves. LiLi asked for awhile and then nothing. Then, out of the blue, a few months ago she started to ask me again. This time, she cried. That was hard. I am glad your girls have each other too. I am sure that will make it easier at times for them.

    Glad to hear the good news about SJ's heart. That is wonderful!!!

    Finally, I love the pictures of the girls!!! They are too cute. SJ outfit in the last pictures is AWESOME!!! Where is it from?? LOVE IT!

    Have a great weekend with your family.

  3. Oh, man. You did well with "the talk". May God bless both EK and SJ as they grow to fully understand their special stories.

    So, so glad that SJ is doing well!

  4. It's such a tough subject - Elijah still doesn't feel comfortable with it :( Tia talks about it more - a girl thing I guess. You did great! Your girls are so loved - and love is an amazing balm.

    Those outfits are CUTE! do tell where the pants are from - or did you make them??

    miss you!

  5. You definitely handled the question beautifully. I have said those words to Briana myself a little while ago and it was not easy. But she accepted what I said and she didn't really dig too much deeper. I'm not sure how much she processed, but I'm glad she now knows.

    Yay to Jing's strong and healthy heart!