I left off here waiting for a call from the doctor. It was my birthday and in my mind I was thinking this little one HAD to be HER! It was my birthday after all! The first doctor call was more than I bargained for and the second (our ped) was confirmation of what we knew in our heart. Scott and I had decided we would take our pediatrician's opinion with the most weight. We have been taking our children to her for 20 years so she had our best at heart.
Are you familiar with the passage of scripture in Judges 6:37, "Look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." My friend Lynn reminded me that when we put our decision in our ped, it was like us putting out our fleece for God to answer clearly. He did.
This child was not our daughter and I was very sad. I wanted it to be her so bad. BUT it meant her family was still waiting for her and our daughter was still waiting for us. We kept praying for God to show us the way and BOY did He ever.
Later that week, Scott and I were watching tv when I saw a name pop up on my computer screen saying we had another file we could review. Her words were... "I am sending you a file of a little girl with CHD. Her heart disease might be more serious than you are prepared. I don't know." Whew... that was a big one! My guard was already up and I was thinking, I am not going to get my hopes up... she may not be ShayleeJoy either. We opened the file and saw three pictures of the most precious little girl! She had the sweetest face and was just standing there as if to say, "I am waiting."
Scott and I looked at her and then at each other not saying a word... I finally asked him if he thought she was cute and he said, "Yes". What would I read into that yes.... yes- she is cute, yes- she has a heart defect too scary, yes- she is our daughter, yes- what? My guard was fading and I was already falling in love... I know, I know! We had to get the dr evals...
Scott went on to bed but NOT me. I began emailing every adoptive friend with a heart baby and all the drs I could find that would give us an eval. I also joined the heart yahoo group and began reading like crazy! I think I finally dragged myself to bed about 2:30am but didn't sleep hardly at all.
That night we danced and danced around the real decision as we discussed every detail we had gathered... yes- she has a serious heart defect, unrepaired, yes- she would need open heart, yes- she was so cute... The REAL question was... Is this ShayleeJoy??? Another friend called to see how the discussion was coming and put it all in complete perspective...
~ She is a girl... we asked for a girl
~ She has a heart condition... we asked for heart as our first choice
~ She is two and a half... we asked for 1-4 year old- God split it right down the middle
~ She needs a family... we need another daughter.
That was it... Scott asked me if I thought I could handle all that would come with open heart surgery. I am willing and ready to handle whatever God hands me and I know He will be there too. I asked what he thought and he said, "She had me from the first time I saw her face." That was it... the confirmation that we needed. Both willing to do whatever was needed and both agreed she was ours from the moment we saw her.
We decided then and there she was our ShayleeJoy and we would do whatever God wanted to get her home and mend her little heart. The next day proved to be a very HEARTful day!!! Story to come...
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.
We are staking a claim on this promise from our God, The Great Physician.