The Sweet Word~ Mama

In China, Jing was quick to say mama

and snuggle up with me at nap and night.

We made the long trip home and in a matter of days

were steered toward surgery and a week in the hospital.

I was able to hold her all the way to the OR door

and 'mama' was the word she moaned

when coming out of anesthesia but...

I was the one that had to stand by and

allow

the doctors and nurses to cut her, stick her, force meds,

crowd over her, wake her, take her ~ you get the picture...

Many would say~ you did what you had to do

and you would be right BUT

she's a little girl who spent the first years of her life

in an orphanage with no mama

to protect and love her NO MATTER WHAT

and was taken away from everything familiar

to be taken to a place full of BIG fears!

I was the one that was supposed to keep her safe now...

and I couldn't explain to her what was happening.

The only thing I could do was pray

and pray I did!

And YOUR prayers made all the difference as well!!!

All that to say~

when Jing moved to the Step Down Unit,

she didn't readily turn to me anymore for comfort

or want me to hold her all the time

like she had before the surgery.

She was kind of back to the same little girl

we took upstairs to our hotel room on JingJing Day~

scared and not secure in anything.

I don't think I heard her say mama

really anytime while we were in the hospital.

Even the last week that we have been home,

she hasn't said mama~ even when I showed her pictures.

She would just point to me.

She does say Baba and all the girls names readily. :)

So thankful for that!

I really think she was skeptical of me.

What does all this have to do with the pic below~

This is the girls' bed.

A trundle where Jing sleeps on the bottom

and I lay down with her every nap and bedtime.

Here they are last night sound asleep! :)

For the days since we have been home from the hospital,

Jing has wanted me to lay down with her

crying if I got up or she woke up to find me gone...

but when I tried to touch her or pat her or hold her~

she pushed my hand away.

I didn't worry too much about it

because I believed my persistence

and patience would win out in the end.

I also know how God waits for me to turn to Him

just the same.

Yesterday was one month since JingJing Day

and we had to take her for the follow up @ the hospital.

My stomach had butterflies the whole time

because she really didn't know what was going to happen.

She was all smiles when we got back into the car

and drove away!

And you know what?

All afternoon, she called me "Mama"

and held her arms to me saying "A ba"~ hold me

and hugged me tight,

AND when we got into bed last night,

she didn't turn away from me like she had done before,

she pulled herself right up to me close,

face to face,

her hand on my face and arm around my neck,

me breathing her breath,

and there is where she fell fast asleep.

In the arms of her mama~

the one that loved her for all times...

good and bad

and ALWAYS will!!!

Thank you Jesus!!!

I'm not saying we are all good

and there will be no more problems

because in all relationships there are ups and downs~

two steps forward and one step back.

I am secure in my calling to be a mom

and will do what God has called me to do with His help.

Psalms 33:1 NIV

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him.

PS If you wonder why I write so much or post so much...

it is for a precious 21 year old that lives away

and doesn't spend as much time at home as she would like~

so it is for her I write and share my heart

and know one day she too will have a mother's heart~

probably even adoptive mom. :)

And this is my journal of sorts

where I record all that makes up our life.

One day, it will be what I look back on to remember "the good ole days." :)

Bless you all as you read~

May God bless you with ALL His blessing!!!